Girl code is a belief that you never date nor be with anyone your friend(s) have been with. Because I don’t fully agree with this code, I happen to have this debate every time the discussion of the “girl code” is brought up. Here’s my opinion on why the code is for girls and not grown women.
What I do agree with:
I do agree that one should not pursue someone that you know for a fact that your friend is interested in, getting to know and/or dating. Only sleazy males and females with low self esteem actively make it a conquest to be with everyone you have been with or ever expressed interest in.
What I don’t agree with:
The person is off limits forever.
The idea of “I can’t imagine going where my girl has gone,” is slightly childish to me. Adult relationships should be on a deeper level than just sex. Spiritually, I believe people come into your life for a season and a reason. Just because their relationship did not work it does not mean that yours cannot. There are hundreds of stories where people have played cupid with their exes and their friends or even siblings.
I saw a quote the other day that said “Don’t think outside the box, get rid of the box.” It’s amazing how we confuse standards and preferences and by doing so we tend to put love in a box. A standard is “must have confidence”. For example, let’s say you prefer men with degrees. If you take your blinders off you’d be amazed to find out how many entrepreneurs (not hustlers) found a skill/craft, made it work for them and make money without having a degree. Some of these men are the sweetest and most hardworking men you’ll ever meet. If your end desire is love then why put limitations on it? It’s funny how very single those are that keep this list of what one must and must not do/have and they wonder why.
So back to this “code”.
The adult approach is to make sure all parties are comfortable with the situation. There should be no creeping around or secrets. I speak from experience. Years ago a best friend of mine introduced me to one of her exes. From the day I met him there was something about him. When he asked me to start dating I immediately consulted with her. She was fine with it because she was back with her first love. Never once did I think about their sexual history. Why? Because from day one our (his and mine) relationship was different from what they had. Even my friend admitted that to me one day. To this day that relationship was one of the best and most memorable I’ve had. It didn’t work out due to distance and him being a soon to be 36 year old chump that can work double overtime to get the latest iphone but can’t muster up the gumption to get what he says he desires and loves. I digress.
I am forever grateful for having had the experience. Love to me will not come as we always want it, in the nice neat package with no past. The world is smaller than we think and you never know who met whom way back when. I don’t want to be judged for my past decisions and connections and I would not impose that on anyone else. If your mind can only think of his past sex life, then so be it. However, there are so many real stories that prove that if we get out of our own way we’ll realize how possible love really is.
So there, I said it and it’s just my opinion. Live freely, love freely and be happy.