By: Tova Mays
“When I’m ready I’ll share, and If not I guess you will never know.”
I have coined this as my 2013 slogan. This is the tag line to my propaganda when it pertains to my life, especially in correlation to relationships. The older I get the more I take pride in having pieces of my life not being aired out on social media, or even discussed with the ones close to me, not because I’m trying to “hide” something or someone, and it’s not the fact that I don’t trust my inner circle, it’s just something’s are private.
I had a conversation with a special person the other night and I posed the question “Is keeping your relationship private a good thing?” He gave me such a profound answer that I had to share it. “Timing is everything”, he said. He continued, “When you allow access for others to share in your relationship bliss, the foundation of your relationship should be strongly formed.” He used the analogy of a tree. “Tree’s roots are strong and firm, over time when someone comes and tries to water a tree, or even if the tree is over watered it won’t affect the tree because the trees roots are grounded. Your relationship should be like the root, strong and firm when you decide to allow others in, on what you have formed.”
That analogy made a lot of sense. Sometimes in relationships we make things public too quickly when they should remain private. I had to learn my lesson the hard way. I was caught up in the “Rapture of Love” (or so I thought). All I talked about was my love for my boyfriend at the time and my relationship, to anyone who was willing to listen. And then I posted my relationship status on Facebook. We received backlash from the occasional pontificators (educated word for HATERS! LOL!) and rumors began to spread. Facebook ruined my puppy love. That was because we hadn’t established the DNA of our relationship; we allowed others to form something that should have been authentically ours.
Instead of working on your relationship publicly here are some tips on how to make a strong foundation privately.
1. Decide to love: Make up in your mind that you are going to let your guard down and love with no underlying motive. If it’s meant to be it will be, and if not take the lessons that you have learned and apply it to the next.
2. Be Romantic: Everybody’s view of what being romantic is different. Take this time to find out what excites your love interest. And whatever that is, do it!
3. Settle disputes peacefully: Never go to bed angry. Life is too short to hold grudges with the one you like. Talk about the good with the bad. Start off by saying how much you love the person, and how committed you are to making the relationship work. Then go into your complaint, if you have one. It will make your partner less defensive.
4. Establish trust on all levels: Be able to trust each other in everything, keeping private your partner’s innermost secrets, fears, and struggles. Help your partner overcome them.
5. Spend time together. Make time doing relationship-building activities. Really get to know each other and build a connection between you that’s strong and enduring.
Making sure that your foundation in your relationship is strong is more important than the “likes” on Facebook or the “retweets” on Twitter. Once you and your love interest believe that what you have is unbreakable and can only get stronger with time, then invite the world to your party. After all you can kick them out! LOL . Share with me some of your advice to building a strong foundation.