As Christmas approaches, I want to reach out to fathers, dads, baby daddies, and etc. The biggest gift you can give your children is your presence. I say this as a single mother whose child’s father has yet to see her or talk to her. He knows about her, but has yet to do anything. This is not a plea for funds. Single mothers know that raising children is costly and would appreciate the help in the cost of daycare, clothing, food, diapers and other expenses like medical. However, we make due. What this is is a plea on behalf of the child that did not have a choice in being here, to have a father figure in their lives. This started as a Facebook status. I appealed to Jesus and Santa (sure did!) because it is heartbreaking to see and hear my daughter point to random pictures of men in catalogs, magazines or whatever and call them “daddy”. She does this because at school they have taught her the word, but yet she has associated this word with any older male figure. She has no one to associate it with as this is my dad.
At some point in time in our lives we have to remove our egos from the situation and just grow up. For most of us mothers, especially myself, it’s not about wanting a personal relationship with you. It’s about that child and the void of not having a relationship with the other half of what brought them to existence. When a girl or woman approaches you and says she has your child, you don’t have to instantly take her word for it. There are legal ways to determine the truth and child’s origin. But after that; then what? You do what you can and when you can but doing nothing is unacceptable. Life is about leaving a mark; making an impression on the world; leaving a legacy. What mark are you leaving on this child’s life? And how does that mark impact that child’s life to create a negative or positive legacy? It’s a chain of events that started with us but it did not end with us. I do my part 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year. But that’s just one side of the spectrum. I can teach our daughter how to be a woman, I can tell her what to expect from men…but there is just something that having a father present that I can not replicate or duplicate.
You may have not had your own father, but is that her fault? I, for one, am disappointed because you have other children. What makes them more special than mine? All children are gifts from God. You praise God and tweet blessings, but your actions do no reflect the love of God.
Funds will always be accepted here, especially spending $600 – $1000 a month for quality education. However, seeing my daughter actually associate your face and name with “dad” would be priceless. This year end it off right; give the best gift, the priceless, inexpensive gift of time and presence. Start the New Year off right with being a real man, not the façade you portray online and in person. Be the mirrored image of a God you praise that loves unconditionally, regardless of our beginnings.
P.S. – When you do show up, do not perpetrate, be yourself, come as you are. Do not show up always bearing gifts if you do not have the financial means to continue to do so. You set the expectations, so do not start what you cannot finish. Children are happiest with an empty box, filling it with random things, no fancy clothes or toys are needed, just your presence, smiling and laughing with them and at them. Children are fun but yet very impressionable.