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Dear Olga, My Daughter is Flirting with My New Man

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Dear Olga, My Daughter is Flirting with My New Man

Dear Olga,

Sad to say I thought this day would never happen and yet here I am writing to a perfect stranger about my love life and my child. I am 48 and my daughter is 22 and is flirting with my new boyfriend who is 34. I would have never thought it possible. This is not the first time she finds an older guy attractive.  All of her boyfriends are always 10 years her senior. She is a beautiful gal and can have any man she wants. Why must she go after mine?

The good thing here is that he came to me with this information and so did another good friend of mine. A neighbor that saw the whole thing from her window. I am self-employed and I provide everything for her even now that she is an adult. She doesn’t work and uses my credit card to shop all the time. I have not been this happy in a long time and she knows this. Why would she want to hurt me in this way? I don’t know what to do. He told me I have to choose him or her? This is also not the first time she has done this to me. But it is the first time I confronted her about it. Please..not sure what to do here.

Jillian
San francisco

____________________________________________

Dear Jillian,

Something is very wrong with your daughter. It seems she is repetitive with these actions and that shows a history of mental trauma. I am in no way a psychologist but that is not the way a daughter shows her love for her mother. Respect is born in our children as babies and she is stepping on you, your life and the joys you have. I know she is your daughter but she isn’t a child anymore. She is a grown woman acting grown for certain things and then immature in others.

It is time you lived on your own. She can’t be in your life unless you are allowing her to be. This is going to be painful but in the long run the best choice for you. It is going to hurt you and be very strong but you must have the ‘talk’ with her. Call her on all she has done, don’t use a strong tone of voice this will only make things worse. It may be the hardest thing you to but talk with ease as you would do a scared child. I don’t know why she does this. Could it be that she resents you for not having her father around? It could be that you are a beautiful and confident woman. Your success is also a big plus here. It could be anything but it is not your issue here, it is hers. She needs to see a therapist..ASAP.

It sounds like you found a great guy and its nice to welcome the future ahead of you and him. Maybe things will work out..maybe not. But you don’t want it to not work out because the ‘other’ woman happens to be your own child.

Help her find a job, and give her time to move out. In the mean time stop having him come over and do not share his info with her at all. For example where he works, his home address even his phone number. Be very loving towards him and stay positive so he can see that you can weather any storm.

Keep me informed of everything, and make sure you start fresh and on your own.

Curvaciously Yours..
Olga

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