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Hating Yourself NEVER Works


Hating Yourself NEVER Works

By: Golda Poretsky

Model: Charlotte Coyle, Photographer: LucasPictures

Most of us want to change something about ourselves.  We want to eat more healthfully, get more exercise, procrastinate less, make love more, feel less stressed, feel more confident, etc., etc., etc.  Really, I could go on and on!

Of course, some of these issues are easier to change than others.  You might find a few forms of exercise that you really love, find ways to work it into your schedule, have it become a routine and voila! your “exercise issues” are solved.

But there will always be those issues that are harder to change.  And some may never change at all.  But the worst thing you can do is hate yourself for it.

Why is hating yourself or your ailments or issues so destructive?  Because hate prevents change.  Hate prevents healing.

Somewhere along the line, most of us learned that things were wrong with us, and, as a result, we should strive to overcome those things by denigrating them.

In other words, if you grew up fat, you were supposed to hate your fat, hate yourself for being fat, and forever apologize for your existence until you were able to get to some socially acceptable level of thinness.  Even if you had a little “extra fat”, like thighs that were a little larger than your friends’ thighs, you were supposed to go around thinking or saying “I hate my thighs.”  If you weren’t considered very bright, you were supposed to affirm that you were stupid.  If you had certain health conditions, you may have felt like you had to conceal them.

And all of this hate didn’t change anything.  It may have led to poor choices, or loads of shame, but it could only reinforce the perceived “problem”.

Hate cannot create change because hate stops the conversation.  Hate demonizes what is, so that what is cannot become a source of information.  When you allow yourself to feel love for yourself and your problems, you allow yourself to see your problems for what they are.  You allow yourself to see how you might start to create change.

Energetically, hate cannot create change because it blocks the flow of energy, and the movement of energy is needed to allow for change.

So how do we transmute the energy of hatred?  By using the energy of love.

For this week’s tip, I’m going to show you how the energy of love allows a flow of energy and allows change to happen within you.

Try this with me now (you may want to read it first and then try it).  Take a deep breath, and close your eyes.  Picture, imagine, or feel the flow of love in your body.  Do you feel the way it moves through you, into you and out of you?  Can you feel its energy, and that feeling of possibility that it holds?

Now feel the energy of hatred.  Does it feel heavy? Solid?  Miserable? Burning? Cold?

Now, with your eyes open, did you notice anything about that hateful feeling?  Did it feel like the way you feel about the areas of your life that feel stuck or difficult?

So this week, I want you to try this exercise.  Whenever you feel confronted with one of your issues or problems, take a deep breath, and see if you can picture, imagine or feel the issue or problem in your body, or visualize it outside of you.  Then, allow that feeling of love that we just experimented with to spread through you, enveloping you completely, moving through your veins, arteries, organs, bones.  Then extend that feeling to the issue or problem and see how it transmutes it.  You may get a flash of an action you can take, or you may feel as though the issue is subsiding.  Notice what you see and what you feel.  And as always, I welcome you to share your experiences in the comments.

About the Author: Golda Poretsky, H.H.C. is a certified holistic health counselor who specializes in transforming your relationship with food and your body.  Go to to sign up for her newsletter and get your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.

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